If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
