Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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