My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
