That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
