This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
