The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
