I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
