I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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