yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
