Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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