If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize