a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
