dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
