Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and she was petting her beer can
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
