So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
