And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
