captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
