Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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