READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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