for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
