i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think your dad took our porno
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
