Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
