redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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