I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
