Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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