What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize