Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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