Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
