actually, I'm a sock model
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
