It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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