saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
