So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
