Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
