We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
