I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize