At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
