Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
