turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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