I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? š¤ I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing āthis is going right up my assā. LOUDLY
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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