I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
