Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
