Me too!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
