A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
