Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
