I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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