he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
