i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
