The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
