farters have to be the big spoon...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am midnight drunk by noon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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