I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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