1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
