how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
