Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
