i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize