I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
