party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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