My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
