It's Friday. Sex?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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