At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone came in the potted fern
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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