Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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