I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
