youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
