Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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