He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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