I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize