Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
