Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
