when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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