Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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