If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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