Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
