Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
