Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize