On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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