tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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