Yo dont text me then not text me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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