3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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