So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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