Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
