I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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