Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
