The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pooping to opera.
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