I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
