he puts the penis in happiness.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh god it's open bar.
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