Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
