My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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