I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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