when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
