We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would fuck him just for his dog
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
