lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
