i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize