you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
