good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
