just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
