It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
