I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
