I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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