make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
