omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
