So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
