i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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